Very Inspiring!

I'm most inspiring when quiet, I suppose...

My much-beloved Christie sent me an award! Thank you!



I have to talk about myself a bit now (7 things you may or may not know):

     1. Generally I dream in black and white..or grey..but with bursts of color - red or green - in one or two places only. And I never have nightmares anymore.

     2. My second child, Ilya Birch was born last month. Growing him has been part of my distraction from blogging. Like his sister, Ilya was born in the caul and in water. Unlike his sister, he was born in daylight, and took a surprising 8 hours to be born. Yarrow was there to greet him and they act as though they've know each other forever.

     3. I'm currently a redhead. Bright, bright red, with black tips..but soon I think I'll be a blond again. Or maybe not. My favorite hair color is black.

     4. My favorite everything color is black. Black is where I'm happiest, most comfortable, and someday, if I'm very, very lucky, I'll get a baby with black hair that stays black. 

     5. I think Joss Whedon is the Best Director Ever. I adore everything I've seen of his and I'm kind of an addict when it comes to Firefly..and Buffy. And his Much Ado About Nothing is pretty much the best movie adaptation of Shakespeare ever made. I love him almost as much as I love Rainer Maria Rilke..and that's saying a lot.

     6. If I could only read one book for the rest of my life...it would be the Bible (as read aloud by my husband, who really captures the story-telling aspects). But if we discount the Bible..it'd be Rilke's Book of Hours. I need that book to feel normal - but in a good way.

     7. I love reading self-help books I disagree with, or badly written fiction, or badly written self-help books I disagree with. Right now I'm reading 'Love & Respect: the love she desires, the respect he desperately needs". I can't help wondering why all the wives in the book sound like monsters and why the husbands can't just 'desire' respect, why they have to 'desperately need' it, which sounds so...pathetic. I also wonder why the wives don't want to be respected, just loved..I don't think these books are written for me at all.

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And now I'm supposed to nominate others...but really, I'm best at talking about myself, not others, so I'll keep this short:

Jenna, dear, please! Your blog is inspiring because you're beautiful and honest and back again trying to write with too many commitments in life.

Loretta..I can't wait to see how your life grows back in the States. I miss seeing you, chica!

Little brother, you inspire me because you try and you dream and you hope. Keep seeking, you're a blessing to know.

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And now that I've begun again, maybe this will be the year for consistency. If you're reading this, you've been incredibly patient with me. Blessings on you and yours in this long-awaited spring!

My Husband's Hands..

I’ve already written about my hands. But hands are one of my favorite features to study. They attract me (or repulse me) more than almost any other..and repulsive hands are impossible to ignore, really, I have a hard time getting over hands that repel me. I fell in love with my husband’s hands (and voice) before I fell in love with him. He has good hands, they’re honest and clear, they hate complications. When he took photos of his new tattoo, he was kind enough to include his hand in the photo for me.

He has fire hands, like I do, but they're more stable than mine, because he is essentially a water person. His hands have changed more than mine since we've been married, mainly because, as a mason, they take a beating daily. He has scars from washing brick with acid; deeper, stronger creases than before and he's settled more into a strong sense of self. They're creative hands - more consistent than mine, with a deep, imaginative mind, but a smaller writer's fork. Hand's that laugh often, work hard, and love well. Hands to be trusted. Stubborn though, and a bit too strong-willed - hard to argue with.

His new tattoo is beautiful, isn't it?!

Hands..

Christie (at Everything to Someone) and Jenna (at A Light Inside) have recently shared hand photos to study. Here is mine..though it's my left - and less dominate - hand. 

Talk about dirty..and do you see my messy nails? I couldn’t get a proper photo of my right hand, but they’re pretty similar - a have a longer writer’s fork on the palm of my left hand, but a more creative ‘head line’ on my right..The fingers themselves are very similar. I have fire hands (longer palm, shorter fingers), and you can see my little finger curving in toward my ring finger - which shows a tendency to talk, and to play with words, to use language artistically. My ring finger leans away from my middle finger though, which shows my art will never amount to much - financially speaking, I'm too careless, to unfocused. But my index finger leans decidedly into my middle finger, showing I might make some money with freelancing. My thumb has gotten less stubborn over the years, it's now firm, but forgiving. If you could see my palm, you'd notice first my uncommon good luck in love (which you'd notice anyway, if you've met my husband!) - or else my unstable and over-imaginative mind..with the potential for insanity late in life..hopefully I'll manage to hold it together! Or, if not..my hand is pretty certain I'll be joyful all the way through, which is a blessing. I tried to take photos of my palm as well, but the lines didn't show..an Indian musician I met once on a train had the same complaint - your lines are too light..so perhaps my life is still somewhat fluid, nothing set in stone yet - except love and joy.

3 Things

3 Habits I wish I had:

 

Correspondence: I long to be one of those people who write letters, real print letters, to friends all across the country. Thoughtful letters. Letters that belong in books after my death. I long to be one of those people who devote an hour in the morning, at least once a week to letter-writing. I am not that person. I try, sometimes, but it hasn’t worked out yet.

Walking: It seems so attractively ‘country’ to go for a walk before or after lunch - and not just to get the mail and back, but really ramble around for a while. I do this occasionally, but a regular walk to think and to enjoy the world would be a fantastic habit.

Journaling: I have about five journals. I write in them often, but I don’t have what I would consider a consistent journal. Each of mine begins well, flounders, is lost then found again, changes purpose, and finally is abandoned. I want to journal well, reflectively, consistently, and always with a very good pen. I would like to write in the morning about the dreams I had the night before and the plans I have for the day ahead. I would like to write in the evening about the day that was, and about the day to come. I don’t, in part because it’s hard to find a nice pen in the evening.

3 Habits I wish I didn’t have:

Procrastination: The primary reason I get very little done until the absolute last moment.

Justification: “Well, really, since I’m putting it off til tomorrow, there’s no reason I shouldn’t just run down to the store to check facebook..in fact, I’m pretty sure there’s something I needed to check online..something…Oh, that recipe I wanted to save, that’s right, I might make it next month, I really should write it down today..” The foundation upon which all procrastination rests.

Spooking myself at night: If my husband is up, I’m fine, but if he’s sleeping, I suddenly remember every nighttime warning I’ve ever known: Don’t brush your hair before a mirror after dark, you’ll see the devil there. Don’t look in a mirror either, you’ll welcome him in. Don’t leave out milk our you’ll meet the dead, don’t go out between 12 and 3…It makes the night a bit creepy at times.

3 Habits I’m glad I have:

Tea in the afternoon: There is nothing better than sitting down with a hot cup of tea or coffee and a boursin & homegrown tomato sandwich..or just bread and butter, or even just the tea and a book, or a husband, or a greedy child, and relaxing.

Running: I just started, so I can’t say it’s a full-blown habit yet, but it’s an embryo-habit, and that’s something. I love the whole experience.

Coffee and writing in the morning: Either alone before everyone is up, or while Yarrow shoves fistfuls of oatmeal in her face, the morning routine is a blessing.

What about you? Habits you hope for, habits you hope to conquer, habits you cherish?

3 things: Random and fun

I saw this and thought it’d be fun! You’re not supposed to think much about it.

3 people I love: Seth, Yarrow, Gretchen (my oldest friend)

3 drinks today: coffee, Muscato, water

3 books this month: Beowulf, Looking for God in Harry Potter (finally, Jenna, finally), Untamed Hospitality (amazing!)

3 things I wish for: a passel of children, a month of semi-solitude, self-discipline

3 things I fear: devils in the night.. I can’t really think of anything else, actually. Devils are pretty overwhelming, and the over-enthusiastic "bold" button on blogger :(

Best Introductory Posts - to my blog, and to me..

From A Light Inside:

10 blog posts that best introduce me and my blog! Here they are, a bit rushed, I now know why most bloggers tag each post, it would have been so much easier.

An introduction to how I think about the world:

1. Myth: I wrote these to semi-explain my issues with modern fantasy writers, and to explain myself, and probably in part to understand myself a little better as well

2. Magic:

3. Superstition:

What is Cyganeria, and some random facts about me:

Faith and Imagery: Mary Magdalene,

                     Watchfulness

…

Life, roles, and loves:

Feminism

Reflecitons on Motherhood: becoming

Images from …

Art: Part the continuing discussion with Jenna St. Hilaire, who has convinced me it is possible to find kindred souls on the internet, and Mr. Pond, whose schedule, based much more on reality than my own, demands he abandon much of the conversation, it’s thanks to them I reflect on my ever-fluid artistic convictions at all…

Conclusion: I’m a very serious blogger. Do I discuss anything fun - ever? It doesn’t look likely, does it?

Music for Hot, Summer Days

The sky is heavy and hazy with stale air. The deer flies are biting. Another 90 degree Sunday afternoon. We've escaped to the bookstore to read in air-conditioning, but the heat is out there, waiting for us.  But hot days are good days for reconnecting with favorite summer songs - here are a couple of mine:



50 days..day 31

If you achieved world domination, what are three things you would ban instantly?

Apart from the obvious and serious things: abortion, slave-labor, and other ban-able evils, I’d happily and quickly get around to disallowing:

1. The Wearing of Pleated Khakis. I’m generous though, and if you really want to wear non-pleated khakis, you can present yourself & your khakis for approval at a special Khaki Judgment Center. I think that’s more than good of me.

2. Books about Vampires that sparkle. Actually, all books about vampires that aren’t really vampires, whether because they sparkle, or go to high-school, or wander around in daylight. (sorry Jenna, but this is what dictators do :)

3. Red Hawaiian punch. My brother drinks it by the gallon, and I loathe the stuff. It’s gone.

50 days..day 30

If your house was on fire, what three things would you save? (assume all family and pets are already safe)

I have an icon of St. Joseph, hand-written in Israel that I would save, three relics I’m counting as one item because they’re all next to each other, and after those, I’m lost. I’m assuming my favorite pots would make it through a fire alright, and I can’t really think of anything else I’d be lost without..I’d probably either grab my Perpetual Help copy or my husband’s 12-string, because it’d be a great comfort to have him singing amid the ruin.

Discussion Questions..

I’m a bit at a loss this week. There are topics I’m working to bring out, but at the same time, I’m a bit too wrapped up in a few other projects to give them the attention they deserve this week. This week I’ll put my long thoughts aside and post a few quick questions that I saw recently in an old magazine instead - Welcoming as well the responses of those who follow our little discussion.

When do you do most of your writing? If I can get up in time, I write best in the early morning. Second best is the late evening, and night-time. Times when I’m not distracted by the daily chores of living.

What encourages you? My husband. Reading good work. Reading really bad work. The Liturgy. Drinking tea.

What distracts you from your work? New ideas - I’m inconsistent, and I’ve lots of trouble finishing things. My husband. Yarrow. ‘To-do’ lists. And especially Luba who needs more love than even God can give her.

What is your purpose in writing? I am always trying to create and promote a culture of beauty. I’m trying to write as an extension of my life and as an inspiration to live the best life I can.

What authors inspire your choice of theme and direction? The poet Rilke, whose images are so deeply planted in my imagination; Marquez, who manages to meld magic and realism perfectly; Tolkien, who makes myth; and Dostoyevsky, who loves humanity.

What authors inspire you stylistically? Rilke, whose style is beauty boiled down; Flannery O Connor - specifically her letters, because they are clear and honest; Kathleen Norris, because her tone is welcoming and open; and Oscar Wilde, who seems to write purely for his own enjoyment.

**I would add Tolstoy to both of the “inspiration” questions, but it feels arrogant, so I’ll just let him inspire me in private.

What is one thing you wish you could accomplish as a writer? I would like to write letters that are good, I would like to write letters consistently and attractively. I know it isn’t really a “writer’s goal” but I think that even if I published nothing, I would like to have a rich correspondence.

Real discussion will return next week!

Fifty days..day 29

Do you believe in God? Why or why not?

I do. I can’t not. I tried for a while in high-school, just as I tried to get addicted to coffee or to cigarettes at times, when I though it’d be more dramatic.  I'm Catholic and I love my church, it's so full. Not believing in God would be, for me, like not believing in my husband, or in my daughter; it isn’t something I can do, for which I’m eternally grateful.

What else is there to do when it’s raining but make pretty pictures out of life?

Fifty days..Day 28

Are you a “denim” or a “khaki” person?

Denim. I loathe khakis. I never wear them, and I don’t like it when men wear them either. Actually, I don’t really like it when anyone wears khakis. If I could dress the whole world, no one would wear them, ever. I’d be a dictator, and no one would like me, but at least I’d get my way.

Fifty Days..Day 27

Do you dream often? Are they mainly good dreams, or nightmares?

I dream practically every night, a few times a night. Generally, I can remember my dreams for at least the first half of the morning, and if I try to write them down the memory will last longer. I don’t generally have nightmares, I haven’t since high-school. But sometimes a dream will leave a bad impression. It isn’t a nightmare, but it isn’t comfortable - like dreaming of a death, or dreaming of our ghosts. Those dreams seem to live a little longer in my mind, and I'm less likely to take long walks alone when I had them.

50 Days..Day 25

What season best suits your personality?

Right now I think it’s summer, in summer I’ll lean toward fall, in fall, winter.. I struggle with commitment. If I’m honest with myself, it’s probably spring, the time of newness and possibilities. I’m good at possibilities, it’s turn them into realities I struggle with.

50 Days..Day 23

What was the last thing to make you cry?

Oscar Wilde’s fairy tales, actually. Especially The Young King. We’ve recently found a book of all nine of them (written for his sons) and have been devouring them. His sense of the motives and attitudes of other people is amazing and hilarious, but the tales themselves are often incredibly sad. The Young King is so powerful, Wilde writes with such a sense of love for his characters, and, it seems, a hope for mankind. It was a good cry.

50 days.. Day 24

What is your favorite flower?

Sunflowers. They’re so overwhelmingly cheerful. They’re big and bright and enthusiastic. They look like summertime and they always look as though they’re tripping over themselves in their eagerness to be seen and loved. I always want to fill the house with them. Someday, when we’ve got a big area cleared, I want to plant the whole thing in sunflowers and, on some big feast day, actually fill the house with them. It would be thrilling.

50 Days..Day22

What are three books that have changed how you see the world around you, and how did they do it?

Kierkegaard’s “Fear and Trembling”. I read it for the first time in high-school and fell in love. Kierkegaard’s writing gave me the leverage I needed to really throw myself into faith, and a language with which to understand that faith.

Rainer Maria Rilke’s “Diary of a Young Poet”. In my existential phase, my sister recommended Rilke for his beauty. Most of the good in my artistic development is his influence. Now his poems live in my head and form a large part of the background to my life.

Kathleen Norris’ “The Cloister Walk”. It wasn’t until a few year’s ago that I discover Kathleen Norris, but her effect has been strong. She teaches me how to use the richness of monastic tradition in my own life, in my writing, and in my pursuit of beauty.

50 Days..: Day 21

What 3 songs have affected you most this week, and why?

Shake it out (Florence and the Machine) - the imagery. It’s haunting, and rich and dark. The imagery fills my mind with bonfires and disturbing night shadows. The music is infectious, really. It makes me want to dance.

Let me down Hard (John Eddie) - I’ve never been through a break-up, but this song makes me almost wish I had. The attitude is everything I’d hope to express, the lyrics are fantastic.

Perfect (Pink) - this song makes me cry every time. I feel like she wrote it for her daughter, and I think of mine every time I hear it.

50 Days of Self Reflection: Day 19

If you were a tree, what sort of tree would you be?

I would be a beech tree, if I could choose, with smooth bark and leaves that turn bright gold in the autumn and rattle away in the winter wind. Beeches comfort me. They're grand, but homey, common, but each one seems exceptional in it's own way. We have a beech at the head of the property, gracefully curved from some storm long ago, with wide branches that reach out across the road, and a look of welcoming in it's leaves.