Wednesday, November 19, 2008

"Do what you can for God, and God will do what you cannot do. And remember, the only thing is to give yourself completely, your weakness also."

Soren Kierkegaard

Today the sun is bright and cold, there is a trail of snow down the shingles of the house across the street and I am rejoicing because the rain is gone. In the cafe the windows are dripping condensation and everyone is drinking hot tea or coffee. I am trying to put my mind in order; I've let it fall into lazy disarray and it is never a happy or productive state for me to be in. I began by scrubbing the bathroom this morning, and continued by writing up a new budget sheet, complete with all new earnings, now I am writing with hot tea at my elbow and my mind is neater, if not yet completely together.

It's disturbing how quickly December is creeping up on us. I have trouble convincing myself that winter is almost upon us. This is a failing on my part, because it is difficult to convince myself to act on my 'to do' list when I don't believe, deep down that time is passing. Like Kierkegaard's speculative thinker I finish "a paper and mistake this for existence." It is a blessing then that God takes our weaknesses and uses them as well. He doesn't say 'Well, give me what good you've got and I'll leave the rest." rather He asks for everything, and when He has our weaknesses He transforms them. In Him they are strengths. So I am trying to do what I can for God, and He is slowly turning my weaknesses to His own purpose, reminding me to "live the questions now," to be truely alive in this age of eternal distraction.

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