Tuesday, June 25, 2013

guest post: Neglected Husband

A Plea for the Mundane 
What are you doing in my subconscious, Harry Potter, and when do you intend to leave?  

   Alright, I figured now would be a good time to express my reasons for why the Harry Potter Book Club must end. Now. It’s a monster that must be tamed. Even Hagrid couldn’t handle this. It’s one big SPOILERisk that’s SPOILERing my life with it’s big, mesmerizing, SPOILERS. And yes, all these reasons concern ME; my ego is at stake and since the internet just sorted me into Gryffindor I feel I have a certain reputation to uphold…

1) I had a dream where I was, well, um… okay, so I was Harry Potter. But only briefly, then I was someone else in the same setting so don’t hold it against me. BTW, (and this is totally cool) I could perform the accio spell with no wand; see Ron and Hermione were trying to hide my wand from me and I wasn’t in the mood for games so I just said it and my wand came whizzing out from their hiding place and Hermione looked really annoyed like I had no sense of fun but I think Ron was pretty impressed and… um, anyway, yeah.

2) I drew Dumbledore on a place-mat while waiting for my food to be brought. Seriously. In child’s crayon. IN PUBLIC. What have you done to me?

3) My co-workers (masons for those of you who might not know. Some might even consider them manly) have taken to saying “wingardium leviosa” when sending anything to various levels of the staging on our hauling rope. And yes, someone (actually no, not me) usually responds “it’s ‘wingardium levi-OH-sa’, not ‘wingardium levio-SAH’”. This is all the truth. The sad, sad truth.

4) I can’t help but picture a tired, battle-weary Harry singing whenever the Christian pop song “Worn” (by Tenth Avenue North)comes on the radio. “I’m tired, I’m WORN…”. Okay this started pre-discussion, but not much pre, just a little pre so I’m lumping it in.

5) I don’t say “Hi honey, I’m home. How was your day? I love you so much it hurts…” anymore when I get home. Instead “Anything else in the discussion?” comes tumbling out of my mouth and I sulk when the answer is ‘no’.

That’s all I’ve got for now but isn’t it enough?

-The Neglected (Red-And-Gold-Wearing) Husband


  1. Something tells me the Neglected Husband is hoping his HP-Tolerant (at best) Wife becomes a True Believe (TM) as a result of this online book club... :) (hehehe)

  2. It ain't over till it's over, Seth!!! We're finishing these books, OR ELSE.

    Also, I'm pretty sure I have had dreams where I was Harry Potter, too. And I'm a girl. And a Hufflepuff.

    And I can't tell you how geeky-happy this post made me. It's wonderful. So. Good. Makes me want to go write a whole bunch of posts that I don't have time for tonight...

  3. Oh alright, fine. I guess I'll just put up with it and go read some Flannery O'Connor to re-ground my mind...
    -The Neglected Husband

    (p.s. Glad you liked the sketch!)

  4. And don't forget #6:

    When the book club is delayed, Masha goes out and BUYS (used, but still) Harry Potter #6 the MOVIE to watch and mock and cry a little at. :p

  5. #6 really was the worst of the movies, wasn't it?

  6. Doodling terrific drawings on place-mats pretty much kills any sympathy I have for your plea. c; (Snape next, Snape next!)