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I spent most of last night online - huddled in my car at the end of the road, chatting with Jenna and Christie about all the delights of life and Harry Potter. I promised to load my post today..and, since we're expecting another patch of 'heavy' snow today, I'll have plenty of time to write. Oh winter..It's Christmas at Hogwarts, I don't know what Harry does with all his time in the nearly deserted castle at Christmas. I mean, he has an invisibility cloak - why hasn't he discovered more of the castle's secrets for himself? Is playing 'exploding snap' or stuffing his face with Ron in the dining hall really so absorbing?
(of course, I'm the one who just wasted about 20% of my battery-life looking at Potter memes on Pinterest..most of which are SPOILERS, so I can't share them yet.)
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If you'd like to practice your own Patronus spell, you can create a delightfully alcoholic dementor of your own to work with by looshing a shot of Absinthe with very cold water until it is a cloudy, pearly green; and stirring in a dash (and just a dash will suffice, Longbottom..don't go drowning it!) of vodka. Clear vodka will give you a very manageable dementor, while black vodka (if you can find it - check the very back of the potion's cupboard, Snape's a hoarder) will have you fighting off a Dementor's Kiss. Serve it with a slab of chocolate for quick recovery.
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Jenna mentioned the Christmas dinner at Hogwarts and I agree..they're a crazy collection of Holiday stereotypes.. I would love to see what staff meeting look like at the castle. McGonagall loathes Trelawney, hates Snape, is continually frustrated by Hagrid, worships Dumbledore, and dismisses Flitwick..Snape hates everyone and is too full of resentment to work well with anyone.. It's too bad Rowling never gave us a sneak peek into the staffroom: Snape sipping bad coffee (no cream) and glaring at Lupin - remembering every wrong do to him; Lupin avoiding conversations that might lead to awkward werewolf issues; McGonagall drinking some sort of smokey, peaty tea (with milk and a biscuit), writing lesson plans and ignoring everyone..tension and unspoken arguments everywhere. Dumbledore couldn't have picked a less cohesive staff if he tried.
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Hmm...
ReplyDeleteA Hogwarts Staff Meeting:
Dumbledore: “Then we are agreed: actual background checks will be performed on all new staff members going forward.”
Snape: “*cough*lupin*cough*”
Dumbledore: “What was that?”
Snape: “Oh, nothing!”
Dumbledore: “Next on our agenda: Snape, two things. One, perhaps your instructions could be more specific than just ‘a dash.’ Two, you might get better results if you didn’t actively hate your students. You know, just disguise it a little, maybe a little less psychological abuse, a little more support…”
Snape (muttering): “Support is for the weak.”
Dumbledore: “Next on the agenda…”
Trelawney: “WAIT! I foresee…next on the agenda is…is…”
Dumbledore: “…Uh, the homework issue…”
Trelawney: “YES! The homework issue! It is as I have predicted…”
Dumbledore: “We seem to be regularly driving the students to near collapse every year, and yet somehow INCREASING the load with each new semester.”
McGonagall: “Ah, yes; that’s a tricky little spell of mine. The children’s homework and ability to perform the homework is increased every year, though with a side-effect of agonizing desperation.”
Snape: “Brilliant!”
Dumbledore: “Next, the astronomy department: why do we have this class? I mean, it’s not like there’s any magic going on there. As far as I can tell, Harry and his friends never even get useful information from it. So, I mean, why are we spending money on it? Professor Sinestra, can you explain?”
(Silence)
Dumbledore: “Where’s Professor Sinestra?”
Flitwick: “Oh, here’s a note! ‘I realize now my subject is completely useless and am disinclined to continue work here. I’m off to pursue my dream of turning the Sarah desert into vanilla frosting. Signed, Prof. Sinestra.’ It’s dated 1987.”
(awkward pause)
McGonagall: “And…no one noticed until now?”
Sprout: “You know, I thought she was taking a lot of time off.”
Burbbage: “This is certainly embarrassing…”
Snape: “Gah! Who the heck are you?!”
Burbbage: “I-I’m Charity Burbbage. The Muggle Studies professor?”
Flitwick: “What? Since when?”
Burbbage: “We’ve been colleagues for thirty years!”
McGonagall: “Please, uh…whatever your name is! We’re getting off topic!”
Burbbage: “We were roommates!”
Dumbledore: “McGonagall is right…uh, miss. Next on our agenda: what do you say we pool our resources and buy Hagrid some teaching lessons?”
(Hagrid bursts into tears)
Lupin: “Now, now, Hagrid; it’s just to help you understand the balance between ‘how to care for an ordinary earthworm’ and ‘how not to offend the murderous monstrosity.’ Once you get that down, I’m sure you’ll be a fine teacher…”
Hagrid (in tears): “So…so I’ll have ter delay me field trip ter visit the man-eating spider hoard in the forest?”
Snape: “All in favor of firing Hagrid before any more needlessly perish?”
All: “Aye!”
hahahaha..pretty much ;)
DeleteI LOVED our three and a half hour video hangout. Best thing EVER. :D And your alcoholic dementor recipe looks awesomely terrifying. I wish I was bohemian enough to handle absinthe, but frankly, I can't even do whiskey if it's not cut with simple syrup, or vodka if it's not cut with triple sec and lemon juice, or tequila really at all unless it's in a margarita.... I have a feeling absinthe is more kick than I can take.
ReplyDeleteBTanaka, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I know! It was amazing!!!
DeleteI think I might have to make up a Patronus drink too..just as something to fill in between you and the dementor recipe..something with just a tiny bit of Patron????? Absinthe has a major kick..it's definitely something to try safe at home, with a loyal (and at-least-somewhat-sober) husband..but it isn't awfully overwhelming, unless you just can't say "no" to another mix of it and bailey's ;)