Monday, April 13, 2009

"When two people give themselves up in order to come close to each other, there is no longer any ground beneath them and their being together is a continual falling."

Rainer Maria Rilke

I am supposed to write an article on "fighting in marriage". I'm at a complete loss. My husband and I have never fought. I've explained this, and been given permission to write about our lack of fighting, but I get the impression that it is considered something of a lack. Perhaps we lack the passion to fight, or courage in our convictions, perhaps we avoid issues that may cause fights. It surprises me, because I've never thought of fighting as something natural or necessary to marriage, now for the first time I've been told that it is essential. I want to write my disagreement without being self-congratulatory or defensive, and be convincing. I'm at a loss. Help would be appreciated.


  1. Love is unconditional. IT is not based on conditions. Fighting is a result of miscommunication, pigheadness, and a struggle for power. conflict resolution is not. IN fact, it's okay to speak up and let your husband or wife know in a respectful way that you don't like something or disagree with them. They might get mad, but they'll survive and appreciate in the long run that there's honesty involved. These are just loosely put together comments and not very coherent. Also, every relationship is different. It's unfair to priveldge one aspect of a certain relationship over others and uphold it as not only as a norm but a universal truth. Hope this helps.

  2. I love you Loretta, Seth came home last night and helped me write, we decided to not write at all about our relationship, because it always sounded like "We don't fight, we're better than you" but just about how the goal of marriage is to get your spouse and yourself to heaven - how does fighting pursue that goal? It doesn't. I like what you said, especially about fighting be a struggle for power. Essentially, it's an immature reaction and it needs to be outgrown.

    You and Bill make me happy, I think you guys "get" things.
    much love!

  3. I think this bible passage will be most appropriate for your talk:
    1 Corinthians 13:4-6.

    I hope everything goes well!!!!! Let me know how it goes!!!!

  4. oh that was me by the way,